I need your help. I once had sex with my playmate when I was in Primary Four at the age of seven .
But after starting menstruating at 13 years, I have not had sex till date. I am in 100 level in an institution of higher learning and I am not ready for sex until I am married.
My problem is that I don’t know if I am still a virgin.
I am confused and also worried.
Judith, Kogi ,09*********.
Dear Judith,
The answer to your question is yes and no. What you must work on now so as not to get more confused is yourself. What happened to you then was as a result of ignorance and the better it will be if you forgive yourself. It is when this is done that you can be free from the guilt of the past.
How old was your playmate then? How did you confirm then that you had sex? Did your playmate force you or you consented? Whether it was with your consent or not, you must put it behind you so as to be able to think straight.
Judith, as long as your hymen is broken, it won’t grow back. Or are you sure that it was not broken? As long as you are sure you had sex and not only fingering, it is likely to be back to its original shape since your skin and muscles and tissues had the ability to bounce back, and don’t forget that it has been quite long since the incident happened .
Why are you so worried about this? Are you afraid of what your suitor might say or you have been telling your friends that you are a virgin? You need not be worried over it because not many guys care about this.
It is not only direct penetration that breaks the hymen. Any exercise that involves the squeezing of your muscles could as well break it. Riding of a bicycle and use of tampons could as well break it.
All you have to know is that your hymen cannot grow back, but you may still have the same feelings those who have not been deflowered have when you are mature and ripe for it that you would feel if you were a virgin, like vaginal bleeding.
Judith, you have to condition your mind and stand on the decision you have taken not to have sex until you are married; your guy won’t care or notice if you have your hymen intact or not as long as you guard against the nasty experience you once had.
You have to keep your head up and be assured that everything will be okay with you because you had the romance and sex when you had no control over your actions.
Ensure you have no further contact with men sexually. Don’t forget that every choice you make has consequences for yourself and others. The choice to live a no sex life for now is the best decision a young undergraduate can make so as to avoid distractions. This is not to say that you should not have friends, but you must set the extent you want to go and if the guy is not ready to abide by the rules, there is always an option.
Judith, what has happened to you should be a lesson that you will impact in your children irrespective of their sex. Male children are equally abused. You can even take to counseling the young ones in your community on the dangers of being alone with playmates and friends.
It is well with you.
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