WAIT FOR LOVE

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

You can’t hurry love: Diana Ross sang those words, but they capture the meaning of the refrain repeated a few times in Song of Songs: “Love cannot be forced, and it must be patiently waited for.” “Songs of Songs” by Jack S. Deer, The Bible Knowledge Commentary: Old Testament, pg. 1015 (1983).

I have to confess that I was getting so excited about discussing this verse primarily in the context of sexual purity. It’s no secret I’m passionate about the message—and this verse is often used as a warning to save sex for matrimony. Although this point is still relevant and will be addressed, a closer reading of the references show the statement can be interpreted as an even more holistic charge to approach every aspect of love with patience.

Each time the statement is made by Beloved. The “Daughters of Jerusalem” are probably the female inhabitants of the city. Deer, pg. 1012. Beloved appears to be speaking as a somewhat older woman talking to younger ones, or to those not necessarily younger, but who have not yet experienced true love. Use of “by the does and gazelles of the field” is an ode to graceful animals that likely would have been referenced if the Beloved and Lover were literally in a field, or if the Beloved were thinking of one. The scene of these animals frolicking in an open space conjures up whimsical images of love in a warm, sunny season, like spring time (not in a snowy winter—lol!).

This refrain is repeated three times in the Book: Chapter 2 verse 4; Chapter 3 verse 5; Chapter 8 verse 4. It also is said that, in addition to seeing the refrain as a plea to wait for love, Beloved meant it as “a reminder to all those desiring a love like the one she and the [Lover] had to wait [diligently] for God to bring it in their lives.” Deer, pg. 1015. Further, it has been explained that each reference occurs “as a structural indicator to mark the ending of one section and to introduce the next one.” Deer, pg. 1015. We’ll look at the context for each reference.

Chapter Two, Verse 4

The first reference, where we last left off, was said by the Beloved after praising her Lover and expressing how he made her feel secure. In the verse directly before the first charge, verse three, she says, “His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” Then, the words: “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” In that context, the refrain can be seen as an uttering of delight given the comfort she feels with her Lover. She essentially tells the daughters that they too can experience the kind of love she has, but they must wait for it. And it is worth it— she’s savoring the moment!

After the statement, the transition involves the Beloved and the Lover going away together. In verse five, the Lover comes to pick her up. Seeing him from a distance, she says with glee in verse eight, “Listen! My Lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills.” A couple verses later, the Lover says to Beloved, “Arise, my darling, and come with me” (v. 9). He makes almost the same request in verse 13b: “Arise, come, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me.” In verses 11-12a he describes what appears to be, again, spring time: “the winter is past” (v. 11); flowers are in bloom (v. 12) and trees are beginning to bear fruit (v. 13). The excitement they both display about going away together also indicates that it is a blissful time in their relationship that both treasure. By some interpretations, they are in courtship. Deer, pgs. 1014-1015. The Beloved and the Lover have waited for Love, and it has come!

Chapter 3, verse 5

The next reference to the refrain comes after what appears to be a dream Beloved has in which she fears losing her Lover. It will be addressed in more detail in the next entry. But the refrain (“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires") occurs right before what could be the couple’s wedding, which, by that interpretation, runs from Chapter 3 verse six through Chapter 5 verse 1. Deer, pg. 1015. By waiting for love, the Beloved and the Lover are not only able to overcome doubts about the relationship, but also see it reach a new height. And so she urges the Daughters of Jerusalem to wait for love!

Chapter 8, verse 4

Before the last use of the refrain, in the final chapter of the book, the Beloved is expressing a longing for an even greater intimacy with her Lover —seeking their love to reach yet another plane even after their union. She again speaks of the security of her Lover: “His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me” (verse 3). The verses that follow are an expression of the blessing their love has brought them over time. Deer, pgs. 1023-1024. And the way the Book ends in the last chapter also is worth waiting until the end of the series to discuss.

On the Refrain

I think the refrain is such a good reminder. I love that it is addressed to the Daughters of Jerusalem, and probably means only women (as opposed to “daughters” meaning all inhabitants, male and female). I think women tend to struggle way more with hurrying love. We express dreams of it much more often than men do—many of us from childhood, with our dress-up clothes and bridal gown cutouts. And as we grow older, the rush to hurry love comes with a price—giving away our bodies, our hearts —our dreams—for someone not so willing to sacrifice the same.

We also allow society to hurry love for us. Sometimes it’s family members—a mother wondering when she’ll get those grandkids; friends who have already tied the knot urging the same; the notion of the “biological clock” ticking.

But whatever the challenge, we must understand that when we do not wait for love, we cannot have what we even desired in the first place. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end leads to death.” How many times have we, male and female, rushed love (through sex, emotions, or both)—only to be momentarily satisfied, but have lasting heartbreak? Love is an area we crash in a lot. But when we wait patiently, for His love, He protects us from burn! Also, thank God He is forviging when we do stray, but we still have to face the consequences of our decision to rush love--ones that He wanted to protect us from!

No Awakening or Arousal

The verse also points out that waiting for love involves avoiding both awakening or arousing it.

Relevant definitions of “awake” are “to wake up; arouse from sleep” and "to come or bring to an awareness; become cognizant.” The connotation of those definitions is a forced one—i.e., unearthing something manually. From that perspective, “awaken” in the passage can be viewed as “unearthing” love by forcing the wrong relationship (with the wrong person), at the wrong time—in attempt to create love.

Here, however, “arouse” seems to have a different connotation—one of taking an existing foundation for love that is proper, but putting it in the wrong context. A definition of arouse is “to stir to action or strong response; excite.” Using that denotation, love can be improperly “aroused” by perhaps being with a person who God provides, but making decisions in the relationship before marriage that do not honor him.

Considering both of these definitions, waiting patiently for love is twofold: 1) not just waiting for the right man or woman but, 2) when that person does come, allowing God to write your love story in His timing—not ours (never read the book linked to, but love the title!)

I also think the refrain is a reminder for men to be sensitive to women’s desire for love, protecting and nurturing it at God’s leading. In my past reads of this book, I never really noticed how much more the Beloved expresses her musings about love as compared to her Lover. The Lover is of course an integral part of the book, but most of his role is to reinforce Beloved, as he does in the first chapter discussed in the previous (blog) entry, and throughout the book. And if you just flip through Song of Songs, you will find Beloved speaks way more. And when the Lover is most vocal, it is in Chapter four, which is often interpreted as their wedding night (we’ll get to that). At each point in the book, he is reassuring her—she takes her cues about their love from his words and actions. So when Beloved urges the daughters of Jerusalem three times not to arouse love, she’s speaking from the experience of having what the women dream of—with a man who really took the time to cultivate a lasting love with her.

Ladies, men who God brings our way must be willing to unlock love in the same manner as the Lover. Too often men feel that a woman guarding her heart necessarily means rejection. But a man who wants to do love God’s way must be assured that, if He is acting at God’s leading, in time love will blossom. And, on the other hand, the woman also must wait for it to blossom—not give it away prematurely. Looking back after love has been timely awakened, the couple will thank each other, as the Lover and Beloved do—and see God bring more boon to their love!

Conclusion

I love the reminder from the refrain, “Don’t awaken or arouse love until it so desires.” Ultimately, God wants us all to have a healthy view of love. Too often, because of our past decisions and the poor examples of love we see around us, we become disheartened by it. But that is not in God’s design for us. Love patiently waited for reaps a wonderful harvest that pleases God. Yes, Our Creator is a Love God, and as they say, a "Sex God" who delights in love making as he intended it—in marriage! Even if you see no examples of pure, righteous love around you, you have His Word. So let’s love Love—and not be disheartened by the wait. It will be worth it!

Ecclesiastes (which was probably written by the man who probably wrote Song of Songs, King Solomon), Chapter 3, verse 11, says: “He has made everything beautiful in his time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

We may think waiting for love is an eternity—but guess what? Eternity is in His hands, and within them the power to create for us romantic love that lasts. From that perspective, we just have to wait a moment.